Heart of the Home . . .

I am so blessed. I was sitting in the dark in my living room this morning, tea in hand, blanket over my legs, and a content kitty in my lap, and I realized . . . I love having a small home. We don’t technically have a Tiny Home, but at 760 square feet and 5 people, 3 kids, 2 dogs, and 1 cat, it’s pretty tiny.

And I’m so grateful.

Of course I’ll tell you why. ūüôā For one, our mortgage is also Tiny. We were smart enough to make sure we could afford our house payment on one not-so-great income, just in case. I didn’t really realize until we moved in how comfortable a small home was for me. Growing up, I always lived in a pretty small place, so living somewhere small is a comfort zone for sure.

Also – every room in my house touches the living room (exept the laundry room and bathroom). That means if you want to go anywhere in my house, you have to pass through the living room, where someone is likely to be. This encourages interaction among the family. It’s so easy with these mammoth mansions people live in now to avoid each other. I think you could probably go through your whole day without seeing much of your family.

Just the thought makes me sad. Living the way we do, working toward a Minimalist lifestyle, working to reduce the number of things we have and our dependence on them – all these values appeal to me for a vast number of reasons, not the least of which is the fact that I’m learning more about myself and my family through the process.

It’s amazing how my kids sharing a room forces them to learn to argue effectively and fairly. They have to work through issues whether they want to or not because they simply have¬†nowhere else to go. I think that bodes well for future relationships, honestly. I’m excited to know they are being taught to work through difficulties instead of just run away from them.

I’m excited they’re learning that STUFF has little-to-no inherent value. It’s all in what you do with it. They say the kitchen is the heart of the home – I have to disagree. For us, it’s the living room – the center, the heart of our home.

With Love,



Hopes and dreams . . .

Watching my beautiful, smart, funny 3-year-old daughter playing at the window with her little LOL dolls (if you’re a parent with girls right now, you know this craze), the thought strikes me: I hope we’re giving her a good life.

Everything comes from your childhood, doesn’t it? When we’re screwed up, when we’re successful, we trace it all back to childhood. We all have memories of being screwed up in our childhood, but what I’m hoping – what I’m holding very close to my heart – is that we’re giving these girls good memories of their childhood.

There will be bad memories – my 11-year-old watching me hit the floor after this last surgery, for example – but hopefully the good memories will greatly outweigh the bad. The family dinners because I’m a freak about making sure we sit down to the table every night, the volleyball games the whole family goes to so that every child feels supported, the silly moments dancing in the kitchen – just the way their dad dances is hilarious – singing along to the radio, and all the other minutiae of life.

My hope is that their lives are mostly these moments – not the bad ones. And I know that’s what every parent hopes they’re doing right and fears they’re screwing up. I don’t know that there’s a right way to do this – I think not, actually – but I think the important part is giving them love. Loving them enough to hold your boundaries for one thing. I heard a great analogy of this in likening it to when you get on a roller coaster and test the lap bar – you’re hoping the lap bar will hold, not that it will fail. This is a pretty perfect analogy for kids. They definitely test you – hoping you’ll hold, not give.

Loving my kids enough to hold my boundaries, loving them enough to let them mess up – failures are, after all, our best teaching moments, are they not? Loving them enough to answer their questions (always honestly, and always in an age-appropriate way), loving them enough to see their faults and help them balance out those faults (because they’re always just our talents in excess, no?).

I think teaching these little people how to be caring, loving, empathic humans is tough-as-hell job. And I’m pretty sure I’m up for it, but there are moments I wonder. Then I watch Anna (3) playing with her dolls and I watch the way she takes care of them – and I’m pretty sure we’re doing something right.


Awash in gratitude . . .

I woke this morning truly awash in gratitude. I’m alive. I’m healthy. I’m the mom of three beautiful, smart, funny little girls. I’m the wife to a hardworking, loving, intelligent husband who always strives for better. I work 40 hours a week for probably the most amazing company ever and I love my job. I am able to work for 12radio too and fulfill my soul’s need to help others. I’m able to do energy work every. single. day.

We have a house we can afford, cars we can afford, children we love, careers we enjoy, and are able to do fun things that cost very little money because our desires are simple. I really am so blessed.

Of course, this got me thinking (what doesn’t?). I think, especially when we’re in the middle of a crisis (like almost dying after a hysterectomy lol), we tend to get catapulted to another level of development. During my show yesterday, I was lucky enough to have Katie Weaver and Kristi Brower as my guests. We talked about the misconception that being ill means there’s something “wrong” spiritually. Now – can there be an emotional or spiritual component to a physical illness? Of course.

Does that mean an illness is your fault? Nope. Not even a little bit. Does it mean you can learn something from the experience and use it to further your own development – either physically, emotionally, spiritually, or all of the above? Sure bet Sunshine. So why am I feeling so grateful? Well, because this particular health issue has caused me to remember how much I really have and how much I would miss it if I was gone.

Mind you, I know how blessed I am all the time. But I’m having these moments where it keeps hitting me like, “Guess what?! You’re still alive! You get to keep watching your kids grow up! They didn’t have to plan a funeral for you! You get to plan a birthday party! Oh shit, I gotta plan a birthday party!” lol my committee is still as hyper as ever, let’s face it.

So – today I’ve made sure I did a reading for myself (love my oracle cards lol), did some meditation, spent some more awesome time snuggling with the baby (one freaking awesome thing about being grounded by the doctor is the snuggles with the little), and took the time to really enjoy my shower. It’s the little things folks.

Let’s take some time to slow down and appreciate them, huh?

‘Til next time (cuz there’s gonna be one!!!)



Wanderlust. Such a great word. And it describes the feeling perfectly. Wanderlust is that feeling when you think about going someplace and you really do lust after it. I was just sitting here with my sweet kiddos, watching the weather, and got struck with a real strong wanderlust.

It’s funny, because it has zero to do with being unhappy, or being content. It’s truly just about feeling that wanderlust to experience new things, new places, new people. It makes me reflect on how we must feel on the other side. I really think wanderlust is reminiscent of the feeling we must get when we’re on the Other Side thinking about launching another Humanning experience (i.e. life).

It feels like such a deep, familiar,¬†old feeling to me. This need to experience, to travel, to¬†go places I’ve never been . . . this is something I’ve felt before I think it’s something we’ve all felt before, which is why we’re here. I think we need to heed our wanderlust . . . it feels important.

Now, of course, timing is everything – right now, I can’t take off to the South like I want to, or go tour the Winchester Mansion, or the Estes Park Hotel, or New Orleans, or Boston, or Philly . . . but I will. One day, I will. When babies are a little older, finances are a little more reigned in, we’re a little more aged . . . we’ll do it. And I’m so excited for it.

I think the desire to experience more, different things is important and needs to be nurtured. And I’m so grateful for this time period in my life – it means that we get to enjoy our babies, work out finances, figure out those things we actually¬†need, and that we can get rid of (all the better to travel with my dear). Being a minimalist and a spiritual mama, and a human – it’s pretty great. I can’t wait to see what else comes.

Bring on the Wanderlust!!!


Stupid damn patience . . .

Not sure it’s clear how I feel on patience. I want to have things happen when I decide they’re a good idea – or sooner. I am a terrible patient because I want to be better yesterday, and mistakes frustrate the hell out of me.

This may be something I’m getting “opportunities” to work on throughout my life. Hah!

I just had major abdominal surgery (a hysterectomy) on Friday. I was planning on being back to work Monday. Well – internal bleeding, passing out 3 times on the way to the ER, 2 liters of blood loss and several blood transfusions and a 2-night hospital stay later, it’s Wednesday and I’m not back to work. Not gonna be there this week, my body is not having it.

I’m being “encouraged” to slow down. Which I can feel myself fighting. The funny thing is, when I’m working, all I want to do is be home with my kiddos. When I’m stuck here and¬†can’t do anything, though, all I want to do is things. I get frustrated by the limitations of this human body and human experience.

I know we all do. It’s very human and normal. Part of this is remembering that if this had happened to one of my daughters I would be all over her like white on rice to stay down and let me take care of her. My own body deserves the same – and so does yours. We are here to learn¬†self-nurturing, too.

We have this running dialogue, though, in our heads of what we “should” be doing at any given moment. Now, that’s not a bad thing, it’s really not. It helps us keep track of our goals, the things we’d like to accomplish in a day, a week, a lifetime. However – we have to allow detours. We have to allow¬†life to create detours – because life is¬†going to create them, whether we want it to or not.

The only power we have is our reaction to and anticipation of the changes. A wise character in a romance novel once said (and yes, I know how funny that is lol) – “I can stay up all night worrying about how much rain we’ll get, and if the crops will grow, or if locusts will come and eat everything, or if there will be a fire. Or I can get my sleep and those things will happen anyway. The only difference is how tired I’m gonna be the next day”.

Normally I don’t take my wisdom from Nora Roberts, but in this case – if the romance novel fits, I’ll wear it. Okay – mixed metaphor, but anyway – the point is, there are one million things to stress about daily, and we really only need to think about one or two of them anyway.

I’m focusing on healing right now. That means a bunch of other stuff has to fall by the wayside – for now. My house is not going to look the way I like it, I simply do not have the energy to pull an 8-hour workday, and my kiddos are going to have to climb in my lap for loves instead of me picking them up.

But I’m here. I didn’t die – and it was a real possibility for a while there. I can continue working on all these “opportunities for growth” I have, and for that I’m grateful. I’m grateful for the frustration I’m in the middle of, because I’m still in the middle of it, not on the other side of it.


Stupid, glorious, ingenious, damn patience anyway.


Identifying and dropping the masks . . .

There’s a mask our society wears. Specifically (since I’m a woman) it seems to me women wear the masks. The mask I’m specifically writing about our appearance and behavior. Now – I’ll say it for the record, I’m not a huge women’s libber. I think we’ve lost women’s uniqueness since the women’s lib movement.

I know that makes women angry to hear, so please allow me a few words to explain. I mean, as women, we’ve gotten to the point where the way we look is more important than ever. Now – there are definitely important issues such as equal pay, and the me too movement, but what I’m talking about is our self-confidence.

I mean confidence that is above and beyond our makeup being on fleek (hah! see how I did that?), our wardrobe being “right” or our hair being perfect. When is the last time you went out of the house without makeup¬†confidently? When is the last time you looked in the mirror and gave yourself approval?

This is important to me because A) I’m a woman, and B)I’m raising three more of them. I remember vividly watching my mom and grandma saying (on multiple occasions) when we were thinking of going somewhere, “Okay, let me just put my face on”. They absolutely would not leave the house without makeup and hair perfect.

I remember thinking “she’s pretty without it, why can’t we just go?”. So I have this thought very consciously every day that my little beautiful girls are watching me. I want them to be confident enough to walk out of their homes without makeup, trusting that the body they were born into is beautiful enough for others to see naturally.

The best complement I’ve every recieved from my husband was early on in our relationship, and he told me, “You know babe, one of my favorite things about you is how you look the same when you wake up as you did when you went to sleep. You don’t ever wake up scary.”. It still touches me because at our very young age of 24-ish, he was wise enough to know the value in that.

It also got me thinking. What are my littles seeing when I spend hours getting ready? That was really the beginning of the end for me. Now, 10+ years later (it was a process, for sure), I’m to the point where I don’t wear makeup. It’s not because I don’t have time (lord knows at times that’s been the reason), it’s because I want to look the way I really look.

It’s because these littles are watching me and they learn by example. Tying in with this, of course, is body image. I never say denigrating things about this beautiful physical body. It’s lumpy and post-child and saggy and all the things that happen as you age. But you know what? It’s absolutely miraculous and beautiful. I’ve born, fed, and nurtured babies with this body. I’ve loved my husband with this body, I’ve kept a home clean, safe, and loving with this body. I am so grateful for my body and I want to pass that on to these beautiful tiny humans I’m raising.

I spend time sending my body gratitude the way it is right now – not the way I wish it was. This is so incredibly freeing to my heart, mind, and soul. I don’t allow myself to say negative things to my body silently either – and this was quite a challenge in the beginning.

I’m reasonably sure a large part of my mission in this life is to help you all accept yourselves exactly as you are right now. I want everyone – man, woman, and child, to stop the negative self-talk and the hatred we have that seems almost to be en vogue right now.¬†I’d challenge you as humans to send yourselves love and work on sending yourself acceptance physically. Start small – just look at yourself in the mirror before you get in the shower tomorrow. Don’t allow any negative thoughts to take hold. Observe them, but don’t allow them to stick around. Baby steps. ūüėČ

Much love to all of you,



I’ve been thinking this week (Danger Will Robinson, Danger Danger!) about minimalism again. For those of you who aren’t familiar, minimalism is the practice of minimizing the amount of posessions you own to just those things which bring you joy.

We went through the girls’ room yesterday to go ahead and get rid of a few more things. We just got through Christmas, and the room has begun exploding of course. Even when we are mindful about bringing things into the house, there is this phenomenon of “stuff creep”.

My kids bring things home from school on the daily. They are constantly making crafts and projects, they are getting gifts from friends and family (especially right now, we have Christmas in December, a birthday in February, and a birthday in March. Then we’re good until September on kid birthdays). It feels incessant. And honestly, that’s okay – they are loved by a lot of people, and I’m really happy about that.

However – we have a 2 bedroom, 1 bathroom, 760 square foot house for 5 people. There’s only so much room in here!!! And while my oldest at 11 is pretty well out of the toys phase and into books, the littles, at 2 and 5, are smack dab in the middle of it. So, yesterday was it. My oldest and I took a deep breath and dove in. And it was great, honestly.

We got through the toybox and pared down all the toys they haven’t touched for a couple of months and they are in the back of the van ready to donate. We went through and got all the miscellaneous items these kids tend to accumulate and decided if we’re keeping, donating, or junking. We cleared off the tops of the dressers and the inside of the closets. And we vacuumed. It was glorious.

For about 5 minutes. HAH! Because the space was clear and free-feeling again, the girls were right in the bedroom playing with the car mat and toy cars, and spent the majority of the rest of the evening in there playing. It warmed my heart because they love their room and when we let it get so messy they can’t play in it, it truly shrinks our house to just a living room and one bedroom.

Getting their room out of the way got me all excited to get started on the rest of the house again. Now, I’ve decluttered everything about this time last year, so this will be going through and getting rid of more stuff that we’ll probably never use, and it will probably be a little tougher than it was the first time. But I’m okay with that. It’s well worth the struggle to feel the freedom and release you get from releasing your stuff to others.

That, of course, led me to this – everything in life takes up space; either emotionally, spiritually, physically, or some combination thereof. Your relationships are spaceholders, your¬†things are spaceholders, your job is a spaceholder. You have a finite amount of space to hold – what are you giving the privilage of being called a spaceholder? Is it someone in the office you can’t stand but are too afraid to distance from? Is that person getting to be a spaceholder ahead of your best friend?

Being mindful (and minimalist) is so much more than being just about stuff. This is about deciding what gets to be a SPACEHOLDER in your life. I think just the word SPACEHOLDER is significant, which is why I’m saying it in all caps. Look at the things, people, and time commitments around you. Are they worth being a SPACEHOLDER? If not – release. Release release release.



Beer Goggles

You know how when you drink too much, certain people and qualities get more attractive? The phenomenon, of course, is called “beer goggles”. I know, this is a weird post for a metaphysical blog, but I like to think you can’t quite pigeonhole me that easily. ūüôā

So – beer goggles. What do they have to do with us? Well – I think we have beer goggles on when we meet someone whose values agree or disagree with our own. We tend to look at people and situations who fit into our own preconceived notions and give them a little more of a “kid glove” approach.

The reverse, of course, is also true – when we know someone fundamentally disagrees with us on some issue we hold dear, we tend to look at them and look for their faults. I think, in light of recent (read; the whole last year) events, we really ought to look at ourselves and see in which areas we’re using our beer goggles.

I know I do it. I know you do it. It’s worth evaluation because when we do this, we rob ourselves and other people of the chance for a valuable, in-depth, possibly opinion-changing conversation. Now – I’m not going to get all political here, but I think we have to look at situations based on their merits, not based on whose mouth the information is coming from.

Anyway – Food for thought, I suppose.

Much love,


A new way of living . . .

This morning, I’m sitting here thinking. I’m recommitting to a healthier way of eating, and in so doing there are the inevitable pitfalls, mess-ups, cheats, and all-around “whoops” days. At least, that’s how it’s been up until this point. After doing some reading (recommended by a friend), I stumbled across Bright Line Eating.

For those of you who don’t know, it’s very similar to GAPS (which is what I’ve been doing for the last year, with success but struggling with motivation). Bright Line Eating talks about the¬†reason behind our struggles and ties it all in with behavioral analysis (which is absolutely fascinating if you haven’t looked into it yet) and decision fatigue.

The long and short of it is the more decisions we have to make in a day, the more apt we are to make poor ones later on in said day. Anyone who has ever “shopped until they dropped” can attest to the fatigue which sets in as you near the end of your excursion. Not to mention wedding planning, deciding on a name for a baby, or even deciding on a college. Decision fatigue is a real, documented, studied phenomena and it’s absolutely captivating.

So – after reading a few different books relating to willpower, decisionmaking, behavioral analysis and having my own interest in nutrition and the GAPS diet – stumbling into Bright Line Eating married the two interests for me in a way nothing else has, and it’s been so satisfying to see the two philosophies work so well together.

What I’m loving about the whole theory behind Bright Line Eating is it approaches healthful eating more as an addiction (and with sugar and flour there is actually quite a lot of research to support this theory – for more information read this article). Treating it as an addiction to sugar, you create “bright lines” for your food that you do not cross – freeing your mind to make decisions about other things, as opposed to food – and helping you strengthen your remaining decision-making abilities.

That’s a gross over-simplification of course, but it’s accurate nonetheless. It’s resonating so strongly with me right now because it’s all about whole food, vegetables, fruits, proteins – just the healthy building blocks our bodies need – and no gimmicks. The weight loss and body image industries are mammoth right now because everyone feels like they have weight to lose, inches to lose, or muscle to gain. There’s nothing wrong with wanting your body to be its’ best – but it’s sad that we are so willing to try every gimmick out there when the truth – at least it has been for me – is so simple. Not easy, but simple.

Our bodies are simple – they need whole food, little to no sugar, little to no flour, vegetables, fiber, protein, water, and movement. That’s it. It’s time we took the time to reset ourselves. It’s time we woke up in the morning and said, “Alright, body. Here we go. It’s time to function at our best level.”

It’s time for our minds to be sharp and clear, our hearts to be full, our stomachs fed, and our misconceptions cleared. Health is not a quick-fix and go back to what we were doing before. It’s something we provide our body because we are grateful and love this body for carting our souls around our entire lives. Let’s show some appreciation and clear out those things we no longer need, and that are no longer serving us.

All of that being said, it’s scary as hell! It’s so sad to think I’ll never have another cookie, or sweet treat, or drink of alcohol . . . wow. But I don’t have to think about how I’ll¬†never have any of those things. I just have to think that today – just today – I’m not going to. It’s not making my body feel healthy, youthful, and alive. It’s making me ache, and struggle to breathe, and be less of a mom and wife than I could (and want to) be.

I won’t lie. The first week has been tough. The first three days were¬†hell. I was cranky, tired, had a headache, had full body aches, couldn’t sleep. I was in withdrawal (tell me again how sugar isn’t addictive?), and I didn’t even¬†eat much sugar when I started this. Truly – it was starchy vegetables. I wasn’t eating things with sugar in except very occasionally because I’ve already been trying to wean myself off.

But – I’m on day 6 now – and I’m 5 pounds down, and my thinking is already clearer, my energy levels are¬†so much better throughout the day, I’m not dealing with the headache or body ache anymore, my sarcoidosis is improving (meaning I can actually¬†breathe), and best of all, I’m sleeping better at night and am more able to pop out of bed in the morning. And this is only the first week.

Yes, it’s fast. Yes, it’s “extreme” by the normal standards of eating today. But it’s healthy. I can feel it. I’m not a doctor, but I can tell you this – my body is singing – and it feels¬†great. I feel better this week than I have over the last 5 months of dealing with doctors and their theories on how I’m going to get better.

It’s time we really take a look at what the food we are eating is doing for us. Is it helping or hurting as we walk through this life.

Figure out for yourself those answers – and I would challenge you to make a change. Invest some energy in yourself.



Good money after bad . . .

Releasing. It’s something we talk about all the time. And yet, it’s one of the most difficult things we can do. We tend to really struggle to release things – especially those things which it’s evident we should have released long ago. The saying is “Don’t throw good money after bad”.

It means, essentially, don’t spend more time in a screw-up once you’re aware you’re in one just to try to make it have been all worth it. I find myself doing this because I feel hopeless. For instance – I just recently was diagnosed with Sarcoidosis, in addition to the Celiac disease, and Endometriosis.

Essentially, all these disorders are the result of inflammation (as many¬†many diseases are). The treatment plan, medically, is Prednisone – a steroid with the most horrifying side effects, for me at least. Weight gain, bloating, gastrointestinal side effects,¬†depression, anxiety. That’s like – the¬†last crap I need to deal with.

I’m not willing to deal with those side effects. So I look at my diet, of course. And my diet tells me – sugar is bad, quit eating it. Flour is bad, quit eating it. I know these things already, but I’ve been cheating. And I catch myself daily saying – “you already ate ______, so the day is shot anyway. Might as well eat whatever you want for the rest of the day and start over tomorrow.”

Now, that may not be¬†exactly the meaning of the saying, but it holds true. I’m essentially saying, well, I’ve already made this much mistake – might as well go whole hog for the rest of the day. The thing is – we’re constantly making choices, and there’s no good reason to make a choice that is detrimental to yourself just because you already made a choice that was detrimental.

For me, it’s the idea that I’m “normal”. I can eat whatever I want, just like everyone else. So I try. And fail, because my body isn’t okay with “normal” food. So I have to stop throwing good money after bad to try and prove that I can just eat normal food. I can’t. And that’s alright, because my body is communicating with me very clearly what it needs to feel right.

I need to focus on being grateful that my body is a good communicator, and that I’m learning to read the signs. It’s like learning a new language, and I’m starting to get pretty fluent.

Whatever “thing” you’re struggling to let go of – there’s a freedom in the release, truly. Once you let go of the expectation that it will change, you are free to live life as it is – which interestingly enough opens up a lot of possibilities.

Food for thought (hah! see what I did there? Cuz food . . . lol)